the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
