I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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