Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
