I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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