Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
