it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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