I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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