I bet he comes in French.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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