Having a random hookup so left but love u
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
