btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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