Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up under a house in Key West
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