Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
