its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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