I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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