All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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