I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
