Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
