I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
