who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
