He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
