I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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