i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
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