My room smells like vodka and shame
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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