if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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