I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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