Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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