I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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