I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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