He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
