you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
