Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
