quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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