who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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