I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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