he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
