Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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