I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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