the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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