Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
