Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
