You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize