I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
