guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
