Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
