You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
