i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
