The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize