i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
