Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
