Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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