why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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