i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
