Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
