I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
