you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
