...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
