So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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