just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
