It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
