it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
