I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
