Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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