is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
