We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
