How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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