just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
