hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
