I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
